It's so hard to find good friends nowadays. I don't mean friends, I mean really good friends.
I sometimes wonder if I would have had more good friends if I wasn't attached. Then again, it's just wrong to say that I have not made the effort to stay in close contact with my chums. I have. It's just that it seems that with each year that I grow that bit older, my inner circle of friends shrinks.
Marriage is also a kind of separation, I was telling Belle just now. Separation for the two pals, when one of them joins in holy matrimony with her soulmate. Maybe there have been too many marriages in the the last year or so, and more and more, I feel like I'm inching closer to that boundary that separates adulthood from the childhood that I dread leaving.
So maybe this entry is not about lamenting the lack of good friends, but the inevitable passing into adulthood. Wait a minute, I am an adult, aren't I? It's interesting that I was having a similar discussion with my hairstylist (salons are the best places for both idle and contemplative talk) and he asked why I was not ready to marry yet.
I don't know. I have found a great guy, but sometimes the idea of leaving home scares me, because it signals the next phase in my life. A role transition. An extreme transformation. Trepidation.
Transitions are so scary. The last year has been full of transitions. Career-wise, there was a major one and I'm still in transit, actually. It is a transition of hope and anticipation, if you ignore the tacit disapproval of my mum, one of the most important people in my life. We never speak more than 10 words about it. She knows she'll upset me, and I know, in a sense, she's upset. But there are just some things in life that need you to, well, to quote the oft-used maxim, just do it.
I'm not the only one having to face changes. It's uncanny, but in the past year, I've had two friends who are battling depression. Hearing how they have had to face their demons is pretty sobering, because of the shite they have to go through. Yet at the same time, I see how God's love overwhelms them and keeps them sane. This is sobering, too.
There's so much more I want to write about, like how I'm realising more and more what an introvert I am. But writing too much would be overindulgent. So I'll stop. Perhaps next time.
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4 comments:
i know exactly what you mean and feel the same. perhaps it would be nice to philosophize about all this over a nice meal. :)
dsd: hah. but it has to take place naturally, the topic i mean. and i have to be in a reflective mood! :)
Yo man! Take it easy! Been there too! Friends come and go, even good ones. People change and sometimes when wavelengths are different, we just have to let go no matter how painful it is. Tell yourself that at least you found a good friend who was there for you for X number of years. Better to have lost than never to have had at all. If you still feeling blue about it, come and pet me....nothing beats the loving and TLC of a doggie like me.
With Brown Love,
BM
I agree - it's increasingly difficult to retain close friends as one grows older. But I guess I'm luckier than most - just a couple of days I sat down and wrote a list of of the friends whom I considered 'close'. You know how psychologists say that having five close friends is extremely beneficial to one's health? Well, I had more than that, and it was really something to be grateful for :)
But that might change when they start getting married and all. But that's still a long way to go, so :)
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