My across-the-aisle neighbour told me to continue processing the incident. Somehow, we knew that something would hit me, some day. It's how the unconscious works I guess, when you try to reach for a heightened sense of self-awareness. It's like this piece of jigsaw trying to find its fit in your body chemistry, and when it reaches there suddenly, everything clicks.
She got her own epiphany in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. I got mine during lunch today, alone, over a bowl of sliced fish thick bee hoon and a smaller bowl of fried fish roe (which I think I overdosed on). It was hot, the weather I mean, and the coffee shop was noisy and smoky.
It just hit me. Fortunately, I had with me two sheets of tissue paper.
I was reminded of how I wanted to be strong, and had to be strong, for her who was so dear to me. Although I knew (and I still know) that she could survive without me, I just felt I had to be strong for her. Because she was vulnerable too, and she wouldn't show it. Not to me, at least.
And when the mother hugged me yesterday, the feeling of having to be strong for her who was so dear to me just came back. How incredible that two such separate experiences connected so deeply for me. It's really like what F writes in her blog - the "therapist's therapy". I resonated.
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