And frankly, though the questions poured like a tap bursting with water, I really appreciated their initial hysterics and, later on, level-headed philosophies about human relationships. After all, they're all trained counsellors. How much more advice can I get right?
I think sometimes people think it's really that easy to make a decision over something that seems so very trivial. And I wish I could be guy enough to say yes is yes, and no is no. Just like my boss' husband, who provided what he called "free consultation" to me when he was waiting to fetch my boss home, only to have his "extreme" views attacked by his wife.
He said: "If you're not interested, just tell him. Simple as that. What for waste time?"
My bro nonchalantly proffered: "If you want, then go. If don't want, then don't go. Very easy what."
The females, on the other hand, say: "Maybe you should go out once more to give it a chance. Because if you strip away XXX, you actually don't mind going out with him again right?"
One friend said I was no longer a teenager who should make a judgment based on how cool I thought the date was. On hearing that, I immediately thought of Wong Li Lin's comment in 8 Days some time back: I'm not a spring chicken anymore.
I know I'm not a spring chicken anymore. But I think I deserve the dignity to cluck about what I don't like. However, you know, as I say that last line, I wonder if I really should compromise? After all, I really am NOT a spring chicken anymore. But you know what? It sucks to have to compromise.
Seriously, I never thought that I would come to such a stage where the ticking of my biological clock would blare this loud. It's quite crazy.
When having to go out on a second date with this person feels this pressurizing, is it a sign that it's not meant to be? I actually hope so. So, maybe that's my answer. If I'm willing to take it as an answer, that is.
8 comments:
aiyo, you didn't say anything about how the date even went? sounds even more pressurizing when you have a million pple telling you to do different things. the more hype there is, the worse it gets... i think it's quite simple, if you enjoyed being with him and want to see him again, go for it! if there's something there that irks you, chances are, they'll irk you FOREVER. some theory has it that you can decide in the first 5 mins of meeting a person whether or not you would like to be with him. ferromones. i agree. but then, i think more like a guy. wynne would agree.
eug, i'll tell you more in person lah. blog is too public man! wat if he reads it?
and you know wat? i feel strangely comforted by your reasoning...
i also buy guys' comments. trust your gut feeling (for eg. good feeling, u wanna see him again), usually it's very accurate, esp when it comes to relationship. if the gut feeling is subsequently proven to be "wrong", it only means that he's not the ONE! and i'm sure your GOD will lead u the way to find out it's wrong. right? :) ;p
hmm well i actually agree with eug's theory. remember the "ick factor" we talked about in JC? if it's there it'll always be there.
sigh the ticking bio clock is always really really tough, esp when you feel that everyone's moving on and leaving you behind. but i strongly think you should NEVER settle for something less, just to meet nature's clock. better to be single and be happy than stuck in an unfulfiling marriage. that's what i tell my sis too...
but hey, at least you're out there dating! there's no harm in that!! can be fun and never hurts to have new experiences or make new friends! you never know what may pop up along the way :)
also wanted to add some after-thoughts. i was in this same stage as you a few months ago when i was pretty panicky about my bio clock and i felt like i was losing control of things, felt quite helpless and stuck - you know what i'm talking about lah. but i kinda feel better about it now. i've learnt that each person goes thru life at their own pace and we can't compare with other pp around us cuz we're all unique individuals. each person faces different struggles in the different seasons of their lives.
i remember there was this period when i was single for really really long. i think it was abt 5 yrs, like for almost my entire university life except the final year. everyone else was attached at some point of time during that period and i used to wonder whether i would be single forever. almost all of you gals were attached, my aki frens were attached, everyone was attached! it wasn't easy, esp when some friends could go thru consecutive relationships at top speed but i didn't even have one.
then you know there was that guy whom i "hung out" with for 2 out of those 5 yrs, but deep down i knew it wasn't... enough. he wasn't. and i prayed for the longest time, then - tx. looking back, i'm SO GLAD i didn't settle, cuz i would have missed out on the best things that a great relationship can offer.
so, it's tough girl, but pray for patience yah. cuz it's in His time, gotta keep remembering that :) you and me. take care!!
Sometimes, I feel it is better to go with the gut feel. Over analysing things can make simple things seem more complicated than they really are.
And I think we're at a stage where we are more aware of what we want in a relationship, so we realise sooner rather than later, what is right for us and what is not right for us.
But like what was said earlier, even if things dont work out or u dont meet the right men straight away, at least you are meeting new people and it is always nice to make new friends!
thnks cami :)
you are rite that we're at the stage where we know what we really want. tho sometimes i'm not sure if it's such a good thing to be that sure! cos u might end up being too closed up to things u don't like but cld certainly work out if u gave them a chance. haha! but hiya, i made my decision liaos lah...and it's a no!
this may be a bit late but i totally agree with everybody here: if there was something that you couldn't quite accept from as early as the first date,
STOP IT RIGHT THERE!!!
and please.. what's this shit about spring chicken?? So WHAT if we're not spring chickens? We are like, damn good Wines lor?? and it can only get better as we mature ;)
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