Deactivate

In an attempt to stop myself from following facebook updates of people I don't even care about, I decided to deactivate my facebook account.

Well, apparently "deactivate" is different from "delete". When you "delete", your whole account vanishes from the face of this earth. When you "deactivate", you simply make yourself invisible to the facebook world, but your account still exists. And get this, the moment you log in again, you're back on facebook, like nothing's ever changed. I mean, then why in the world have a "deactivate" option???

My whole purpose of deactivating was to create barriers for myself to get back on again, without the loss of friends/photos/info added by friends or myself. I can't bring myself to totally delete the account because some part of me already lives on facebook.

But with no barriers at all when my fingers assume a life of their own and type my email add and password to try (yes, just trying) to log in again? No extra dialogue boxes to fill out personal particulars again? No "if you deactivate your account 3 times it'll get deleted by the administrators" warning?

I mean, seriously, what is the point of the "deactivate" option?

It just doesn't make sense.

Birthday

Today I turn 31. As I lay in bed, sick with a bout of what I think should be gastric flu, I turn contemplative. Last night I received a surprise bouquet of flowers from two friends, and I was so touched I almost cried. Four years ago, I would have commented that the flowers were a waste of money because they would simply wilt and die in a matter of days. Practical me, with practical wants. Today, my heart leaps at embracing that short moment of beauty and spontaneity. A moment in time that words cannot capture, but only the heart can feel and appreciate. Sick with gastric flu, yes. I still couldn't resist the urge to walk over and smell the scent of the white lilies. I hope it lingers a while more...

Men

Jack Neo saga is the rage these days. Just waiting for woman #30 to make her appearance, ala Tiger Woods. Heard from somewhere that Jack's been appointed to make some movie for the Fathers For Life movement. Well, if that happens, it would be mockery.

We were having lunch at the office pantry a couple of days back, and my colleague shared that how children view their fathers is linked to how they see their fathers treat their own wives. Really, you could be such an involved father with the kids, but when the kids see your unfaithfulness to your own wife, how do you think they will see you? You really can't separate the two.

And then, we talked about how the Jack Neo saga has led many women to start warning their men to behave. Misbehave, and we will walk out on you - with the kids. My colleague said with a laugh, women always start with a threat right? I totally agree and I would do that too. Trust, once broken, can never be rebuilt.

The number of stories I hear of unfaithful men just keeps going up. Men, is it that difficult to stay faithful? To women, I say, protect yourselves. 

The New Year

Reunion dinner was steak and champagne, after which we sat the Singapore Flyer which almost lulled me into a bored kind of sleep. Visitation was to the same old folks' rental flat, where I devoured giam chye arh (duck with salted veg), ayam buah keluak and assam pork... a meal I had dreamed of the day before. Before that, I kinda fell asleep on the foldable chair, while some TV programme was flashing in the background with some hokkien-english conversation taking place between the older adults. Some minutes before that, my brother was fooling around along the corridor in my lil' cousin's sky-high neon purple platforms (he walks much better than I do in them, quite the natural). Today, I wake up with some memories, tinged mostly with talk about the IR. Yes, the IR. Some Indon guy gambled away $1,000, and got arrested for stealing someone's mobile phone at Changi Airport Terminal 1. I mean, it's only been three days since the IR opened, and we already have a crime. Lord, help us. But anyhows, CNY was not bad, especially so with family around. One year older with loved ones is always good for the soul.

Captain Lu returns

Captain Lu (Guang Zhong) returns, after I first watched him last year at the Esplanade. Like last time, I totally enjoyed his honest, brilliant and funny performance. I hope he remains an indie singer forever. It's that whole I-totally-love-my-music-and-I-don't-care-about-the-money vibe that I love about singers like that. They love their craft, they totally enjoy themselves on stage, and most importantly, they love their audience. Looking forward to his third album... Here's a vid captured with my steady hands (haha) at Dragonfly, St James Power Station, on 16 Jan 2010. 盧廣仲, 你最棒！！！

Visit

I was very happy yesterday. One of the boys I used to counsel more than two years back paid me a surprise visit, after he was discharged from the Boys' Home the day before. He had been sent there for a period of two years for multiple thefts and sniffing glue. And oh my, has he changed...

Turning 18 in a month, he is now at least a head taller than me and he speaks to me like a mature young man. Back then when I was handling his case, he was presenting so many challenges - suicidal risk, manifesting distractions, "seeing things" etc... But yesterday, he was so much more grounded and congruent with himself.

I had always known he had this ultra-sensitive side to him, and I'm glad I tried my best to enter his reality and connect with his sensitivity. I really feel a lot for him. I know his road ahead will not be easy, especially with a stigmatising history behind him. But I know he is resilient enough to journey with himself. You go tall guy!!!

*Perks of staying long in my job? The reward of return visitors like him.

T.G.I.Friday's

Back when we were just 17 or 18, we used to hang out at T.G.I.Friday's in the glasshouse just next to Park Mall. We loved the iconic LOVE sculpture (see below) that fronted the restaurant. 

Here're more of us (see below).

Then, T.G.I.Friday's closed down.

Fast forward about 13 years later (from when the above pix were taken), and it reopens at The Heeren. And, four of us are back - with a new little member in tow. I don't think we've changed very much... ;)

31.12.09

As 2009 drew to an end, there was only one thing on my heart - keeping connections alive. And maybe that was why I was looking forward so much to seeing everybody at my house party. Whether we had only kept in touch at most twice a year, or met at least once a fortnight, I didn't really care much about that. It was simply reconnecting, and enjoying the minutes and seconds that the contact brought. I have changed much, and therefore the things that I cherish are not the same anymore. May 2010 bring much meaning to you and I. Happy New Year.