2667

Incredible as it sounds, my mobile phone bills for the last four months have been exactly the same: $26.67.

How can? Freaky....

Anyone wanna buy 4D?

Three totally unrelated things to say...

I have a few things to blog. They are totally unrelated...so here goes:

First: Leo is a very good boyfriend to me.

For all the somewhat "sombre" things I reveal about our relationship from time to time, I really enjoy our relationship. After all, what is a relationship without its downs? So hor, as a form of appreciation to leo, I hereby proclaim that he gave me an ipod nano a few days before Valentine's Day.

At first I asked him: "Wah! Valentine's Day present ah?"

And he said: "Wah...can only give present on Valentine's Day meh???"

Awww....this kind of boyfriend where to get??? Hahahaha. And I'm just being the bad girlfriend I've always been. I don't care for gifts, you see. Quality time is the best gift to me :) So hor, I haven't touched the ipod nano yet!!! So terrible!!! But, I will. Today.

Yes yes, so he's good. And I'm bad. :p

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Second: I had a wonderful Japanese dinner with dsd and olduvai

This entry is very very belated. But the dinner is worth remembering. Yum.

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Third: I met this wonderful popo (ie grandma) at a wake last night.

She's 85 years old, but oh so strong and alert. And she's the sweetest thing. It was her husband's wake I was attending (He was 95 when he died). She and her late husband are the grandparents of my chuch cell group leaders. She reminded me of those sweet old ladies you find attending Sunday church service faithfully all their lives.

Like all old people do, she was telling story after story about her past, which had leo and my other friends listening attentively. I don't know why, but my attention span wasn't at its best last night, and I got a bit tired listening. But there was one thing about popo that amazed me. It was her faith in God. She said she still returns to her homeland China to preach the gospel. And she would pepper her stories with Bible verses.

I cannot lor. I don't know how to have so much faith after all that has happened for me. I remember feeling a jolt of something as I stood in front of the lift at Singapore Casket last night, thinking to myself how this place has changed. The stairwell is no longer musty and the old sunken sofa in the stairwell has disappeared. Instead, a fresh coat of paint and panelling have replaced the old. The smell of stale cigarette smoke has gone too.

There is even now an LCD screen with the names of the dead, not like in the past when they were just letters on a panel on the wall. The whole place looks new, fresh and vibrant. I remember thinking to myself, seems like one thing is still familiar: the lift still takes that long a time to travel. I guess some things never change huh?

However, if there's one thing precious I took home last night, it was what Popo said about her late husband lying in the coffin:

She said in Mandarin, with a peaceful smile: "I'm not sad, so I don't cry. Because I know my husband is sleeping. (At this point, she puts both palms together and leans her head on them, to show the sleeping gesture.) Instead, I am happy for him because he is in heaven, a better place."

I know me so well, or not

Kartaly started her own Johari Window, and I've started one too. Coincidentally, I also learnt about the Johari Window in class. It's sort of like a table with four sections:
1. What you know about yourself that others know as well (Arena)
2. What you know about yourself that others don't (Facade or Private Self)
3. What others know about you that you don't (Blind Spot)
4. What you don't know about yourself that others don't as well (Unknown)

My lecturer says that to be effective social workers, we should try to reduce our private self. That is, to make more of what we're trying to hide, known to others around us. In a way, "reduce your baggage". It was in fact during this lesson that touched on the Johari Window that got me thinking about my "emotional baggage".

Sounds confusing? Have a look at my Johari Window then. If you know me, feel free to add your adjectives.

I can make checks on my updated Johari Window as and when I like too! Start your own if you're interested :)

He saw a manta

Yes today is V-Day. And many people have been asking me what hot date I have tonight. I have no hot date lor. My hot date is diving in Thailand lor. And, after almost one week of no contact (because he's on a live aboard trip ie he's living at sea so there's no telephone reception), I finally get a call from him during my class two hours ago.

Yay!!! So happy!!! So I run out of class to answer the phone.

Even though the first thing he tells me is he saw a manta ray on his last dive, I am still happy he called. I guess that's what you call missing someone huh? Anyways, for him, I think after this manta ray sighting, once he sees his darling whale shark, he can die in peace already lor.

In our four years together, we've only celebrated V-day once during our first year together. That was some grand beach affair with portable bbq pit, chicken and satay stuffed into a big sports bag to surprise me with, topped off with a lovely tiramisu cake in a heart-shaped tin. But I think I scared him off with my very pragmatic response: why you put in so much effort? Since then, I've learnt to appreciate the romantic gestures because the boyfriend appears to have, well, taken my advice rather literally.

And today, I actually do miss having him around! Dammit.

We usually spend V-day watching tv or doing something really mundane, because really, everyday can be V-day if you want it to be one!!!

Ok, the toughie that I make myself out to be is crumbling. I do miss the boyfriend. Happy V-Day to me.

I hate mantas.

And whale sharks.

Bleah.

chillin' out with the girls

Belle has quit.

And we had drinks to celebrate her newfound freedom yesterday - her last day at work. Somehow she felt like I did when I first quit. It's like I never really did leave, because I kept returning to do freelance work. But I'm sure, soon enough, she'd feel the identity loss that both cocoatina and I experienced. It's like all of a sudden it hits you, O gosh, who am I? We form so much of our identity from our occupations that when we make that exit, we don't really know who we are. And our ego prevents us from using the word "unemployed".

But hey, I think sometimes being unemployed is good.

After about five years of being good friends with Belle and Cocoatina, yesterday was actually our first ladies' night out. Meaning a night out with alcohol. Well, Cocoatina had to settle for a peach cooler because Ethan-the-godson-who-doesn't-like-me would probably sink into a drunken stupor after drinking her milk. Haha.

For once in so many months, it felt really good to chill out with the girlfriends. I have been doing too much purpose-driven stuff, so much that I haven't realised how long I haven't gone out without a purpose. In a way then, it's good the boyfriend is out of town - diving again. By the way, at jazz@south bridge where we parked ourselves, there's this lovely singer called Angelita who does brazillian jazz really well. She'll be around till the end of this month, and she'll be back in April. If you're free, check her out.

And so...what a wonderful night I had :)

picture perfect

Nothing much to blog about these days. I work in the day and go for classes at night pretty much every day. I'm so glad I get a lift home on Mon and Tue nights after class (thank God for plummeting COE prices). On Thurs, unfortunately, I have to trudge back home on the train. When you get so pampered by the car, getting around on public transport is such a drudgery.

This Mon, I was even more desperate to get home asap to catch the new season of Desperate Housewives. Then it was Grey's Anatomy, which was nice too. Maybe I'll consider watching it every Mon. I told myself I wouldn't watch the new season of America's Next Top Model, but well I succumbed because of that androgynous-looking girl. I forget her name. I only remember she successfully transformed herself into a sex kitten, the quintessential pin-up girl. When I saw that, I told myself I had to watch the next episode because I'm starting to like her.

I've also told myself I've had enough of any reality TV contest with a "Superstar" in it. Please. Getting excessive. All these Superstar-wannabes CANNOT MAKE IT.

Oh but before I forget, I am now infatuated with a new superstar. Well, Singapore star more like it. Meet 17-year-old Joshua Ang of Jack Neo's I Not Stupid Too. How can anyone be so cool and cute at the same time? Oh man oh man. You know how child stars usually don't mature very prettily? (Think Macaulay Culkin.) Joshua Ang (right in the picture, next to co-star Shawn Lee who isn't looking too bad himself) is growing just the way I like it.

I really don't care if I'm a decade older than him. Do you?

爸，我爱你

那天是我第三次到辅导中心接受辅导。眼泪像关不紧的水龙头似的，不停地流。也许用华文来写出我的心中感触是为了保护自己，因为较少人会读。但我也非写不可， 就以我这不怎么优雅的华语来写吧。

那天谈起了死去爸爸。我提起上个星期在辅导中心买了一本When Mourning Breaks的书。里头的第一篇文章让我恍然大悟。故事描写了男女主角在男主角去世前，和彼此好好地告别了。我发现我是因为没有好好和爸爸说再见，才会如此伤心。

在爸爸去世后的这12年里，我也为了要显示给妈妈看我也是坚强的，所以就没什么敢哭。从中也有其他原因，不过还是不说好，因为故事太长了。久而久之，就把爸爸的这件事给埋在心里，自己也不晓得原来我还是伤心的。我想我这一流的演技因该是可获金马奖吧！

我还记得曾经和好友说，我和第一任男友分手后，哭得比爸爸去世后还惨。真好笑。。。

辅导员问我：如果你能和爸爸说些话，你会说什么？

我想了很久，心里一阵好酸好酸的痛。 我回答：我会说，爸，我爱你。

(session 3)

Happy CNY

CNY 2006 trivia...

1. I'm the oldest of all my girl cousins, but I'm sadly the shortest. What do the young people eat nowadays???
L-R: mavis (22 yrs); marilyn (vodka-drinking 18-year-old); me (to be 27 yrs this year! sob!); gayle (13 yrs); gabby (14 yrs); gillian (16 yrs). darren my bro is squatting (24 yrs).

2. Ethan my godson-who-doesn't-love-me puked on the floor during a CNY gathering at my house. Out came mashed salmon, porridge and I think sweet potato - undigested. See lah! Run lah! Run some more lah! :)

3. Someone kinda crashed our car on CNY eve. That someone fell asleep at the wheel and grazed the car against the road divider. Woohoo! No prizes for guessing who. Thank goodness the person wasn't hurt. Clue: it wasn't me.