Crossroads

I'm currently attending a course on experiential and creative arts therapy. Today, a very brave participant volunteered to be the client, so that the trainer could conduct a counselling session to show us how a session could be conducted using creative arts therapy. We, as the viewers, were asked to do different tasks as we watched the session going on. I was one of those who was supposed to draw whatever key images came to our minds as we observed the client.

I found myself connecting with her in a way I could not verbalise, and it was a really powerful experience for me. As I watched her draw her beginning experiences of her current relationship, and tell stories from her drawing, I resonated with her at certain points.

And, I found myself picking up my crayons and start sketching the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. With a vague grey crayon, I drew the bridge and the full moon. With a dark blue crayon, I sketched the ripples of the water. And on the embankment, I filled in two almost invisible stick figures - one boy, one girl - holding hands. And, I held my heart tight.

When the counselling session ended and the viewers were asked to volunteer the responses they would like to share with the client, a fellow participant recited a poem she'd written for the client. And, one word, "crossroads", hit me. Pretty hard.

As I walked home later, I couldn't stop my tears. It has been one major crossroad for me this year. It was either one or the other, and my heart broke when I had to choose. Now, as I picture myself at the crossroad, I know I only had one way to walk. And I took that step. But I had to leave a part of me behind. If you ask me how big that part is, I really don't know. Nevertheless, a part is still a part. And it hurts.

As an important person told me, rest in the Lord like how you need a rest at night. I am resting because it is not hard. But when the tears flow (and they haven't flowed much at all), my heart clenches up again. I want to rest, till my heart releases that grip and can only ache that little bit.