Yet

I have so many things on my mind, don't really know how to start. But I'll just start and see where my thoughts carry me...

A few days ago, leo suddenly asked me: "Do you miss your youth?" I had to think for a while. Did he mean to ask if I missed my youth as in the way I missed my childhood? Or was he referring to the teenagers I work with?

I know I started my new job apprehensive, afraid of my inability to work with difficult youths. And it was pretty daunting at first. Youths were the last people I wanted to work with. I guess, once again, I stumbled into something unexpected. I'm always doing that. Crazily, after half a year, I'm enjoying the teens. They make me laugh, they make me cry when they remind me of personal issues, especially when they have got to do with those close to me.

I suddenly find that I do miss my youth, the days when I dreamt of becoming the lead singer of a cool funky band. The days when saying "stay kool and funky" came from the heart, when cheering your loudest for your school at track and field meets was pure patriotism on your part.

When I look at my youths now, I really feel like they are a great bunch. And at this point in time, I can only say I enjoy my work.

And then I wonder, is youth work really something I want to do in the long run. I have always harboured this secret wish (well, it's not so secret now!) to comfort the grief-stricken, those who suffered losses in any form. A big part of me wants to help those who are just like me. But somehow, I don't think I'm ready. Yet.

I want to let other people know that it's ok to cry. But I'm not ok with crying myself. Yet.

I guess that's the main thing.

So maybe this youth thing is a good thing for me now. Maybe, next time, I'll stumble into something unexpected again. Maybe, just maybe.