I feel funny about turning 30, which is soon. Well, make that turning 30, having yet to find a partner and still having my clothes washed by mom. I suddenly feel like a teenager all again, struggling between finding independence and wanting - still - that connection with a parent. Then again, maybe struggling is not the right word to use, because I don't think I really struggle. It's more like, there's a funny kind of tension. It makes me feel like I want to pack my bags and leave for another country, yet I'm thinking how is that independence when my heart still loves being right here at home. It would be so much easier and normal to step out of home because I need to start life anew with another person, with whom I would build a new home. So how do people like me find a balance between these two seemingly opposing forces? Or can they co-exist? Well, for starters, in a weird sort of way, learning to cook from mom seems to make me feel all grown-up. Appreciating the weekly trips to the wet market in Pasir Ris, memorising the shapes of leafy vegetables there, trying to understand what chia bah (lean pork) is, and recognising this particular uncle at Kovan market who sells the cheapest chicken wings in town.... They are all strangely therapeutic, and for some reason, help me to find some balance.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
There's something about turning 30
I feel funny about turning 30, which is soon. Well, make that turning 30, having yet to find a partner and still having my clothes washed by mom. I suddenly feel like a teenager all again, struggling between finding independence and wanting - still - that connection with a parent. Then again, maybe struggling is not the right word to use, because I don't think I really struggle. It's more like, there's a funny kind of tension. It makes me feel like I want to pack my bags and leave for another country, yet I'm thinking how is that independence when my heart still loves being right here at home. It would be so much easier and normal to step out of home because I need to start life anew with another person, with whom I would build a new home. So how do people like me find a balance between these two seemingly opposing forces? Or can they co-exist? Well, for starters, in a weird sort of way, learning to cook from mom seems to make me feel all grown-up. Appreciating the weekly trips to the wet market in Pasir Ris, memorising the shapes of leafy vegetables there, trying to understand what chia bah (lean pork) is, and recognising this particular uncle at Kovan market who sells the cheapest chicken wings in town.... They are all strangely therapeutic, and for some reason, help me to find some balance.
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4 comments:
chia bah sux!! haha! Oh sweetie, we must celebrate your hatchday! :) Let me know when is gd for you, and what you wanna do k?
I'm a few years away from 30, but your post struck a chord. Often, I feel as if I'm still in my teenage years, except I'm working fulltime, and it feels weird somehow. Like I got stuck while people around me got married, moved out and started their own families. Still not sure what to do about it haha.
-Fellow Mayday fan. :)
hello mysterious fellow mayday fan: i once told a friend that i finally understand how the minority races feel in singapore! cos i am, well, sort of the minority now. i think also, that what we are feeling has a lot to do with the life stages that we enter at different times in our lives. every life stage calls for a certain type of yearning, a certain type of tension. maybe we just need to trust the process, even if our yearnings are not totally fulfilled.
Surely, you're not in the minority? Maybe it just happened that among your friends, many are attached if not married (yes I stand guilty, heh). But among my various circles of friends, the numbers of those single and those with partners are more or less evenly split.
XOXO
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