When someone you love so much morphs into someone you don't know (read: monster), you shudder and wonder if you ever really knew the person. That's what I'm suffering from now: post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. No love left, just shock. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating the PTSD part, but I really don't know how else to describe it. At first, just to comfort myself that I couldn't have been so stupid, I wanted to keep The Box. The old shoe box that kept all the letters and cards that he so endearingly penned to me - up till the year 2004. Even all the fading ticket stubs to Mayday concerts, jazz performances and movies that we attended together. I thought, perhaps if I kept The Box, I could remember him as I first knew him. Then I wouldn't chide myself for being so damn stupid for missing out the blindspots. But two nights ago, I decided that I would be even more damn stupid to kid myself further. So, The Box went to the dumpster. Hey, guess what, being the sentimental freak that I am, I still keep another box, of things belonging to the first boyfriend. Why? Because those memories are still worth keeping despite the breakup. Not The Box though. And one more thing, I made sure to take out my Mayday ticket stubs first. Mayday rox, forever! :)
Monday, April 30, 2007
I'm not a sentimental freak this time
When someone you love so much morphs into someone you don't know (read: monster), you shudder and wonder if you ever really knew the person. That's what I'm suffering from now: post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. No love left, just shock. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating the PTSD part, but I really don't know how else to describe it. At first, just to comfort myself that I couldn't have been so stupid, I wanted to keep The Box. The old shoe box that kept all the letters and cards that he so endearingly penned to me - up till the year 2004. Even all the fading ticket stubs to Mayday concerts, jazz performances and movies that we attended together. I thought, perhaps if I kept The Box, I could remember him as I first knew him. Then I wouldn't chide myself for being so damn stupid for missing out the blindspots. But two nights ago, I decided that I would be even more damn stupid to kid myself further. So, The Box went to the dumpster. Hey, guess what, being the sentimental freak that I am, I still keep another box, of things belonging to the first boyfriend. Why? Because those memories are still worth keeping despite the breakup. Not The Box though. And one more thing, I made sure to take out my Mayday ticket stubs first. Mayday rox, forever! :)
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3 comments:
hey! That was really brave! Good on you! No point holding on to something that is no longer what you envisioned it to be! :) For me, when i threw my version of The Box, I really felt very light, very good, and like everything seemed to make sense again. I hope you feel the same way too! :)
fy: thnks :)
hey gal, time to go K or have a drink liao..... what abt this friday nite? ;D
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